Where have all the cool dads gone?

My post the other day about the "I love my wife" t-shirt got me thinking about television and how dads are portrayed these days. When I was a small lad growing up in the beautiful metropolis of Portsmouth, OH, I remember watching sitcoms where the dads were cool. They were role models. They were men that you wanted emulate when you became a father. Today's TV dads are buffoons and often the butt of the joke. What happened? When did dad go from being king of the castle to the court jester? As I said before, I blame the Simpsons.

I used to watch shows like Bonanza, Father Knows Best, The Cosby Show, Leave It to Beaver, the Brady Bunch, the Courtship of Eddie's Father, Good Times, My Three Sons, Andy Griffith, Happy Days, and others. Most had men that were in charge and not seen as idiots. The dads were cool, they knew their children and were interested in their lives. And when the child got out of line or broke the rules, the dad would step in and take care of the situation.

Now, men are often portrayed as incompetent, and ignorant of what is going on around them. Rarely do we see fathers disciplining their children on tv anymore. If we do, the whole episode revolves around the father's inability to effectively discipline his children. Don't get me wrong, I like a good sitcom as much as the next guy. I just wonder what happened to all the cool dads. Sadly, the only father currently on television I know of that has a grasp on his children's lives is (gulp) Robbie Ray Stewart (portrayed by Billy Ray Cyrus) on Hannah Montana. (If you know of another one, PLEASE send me a note!)

Seriously, though, were there any "cooler" fathers on TV than Andy Taylor or Heathcliff Huxtable? These shows were also open and honest in their character portrayal. We frequently saw the angst of Andy as he disciplined his son. When one of the Huxables knew they had messed up and did not want to tell their parents because they were afraid of disappointing them. Yet, when Heathcliff and Claire found out, yes, they disciplined their children, but they also did it with love and respect.

Where are these fathers on TV today? When did Hollywood lose touch with reality? I know many men and fathers who are very strong fathers and the head of their household. Yes, there are some dads that have lost touch with their wives and children. However, not all fathers are the idiots that we see on TV and in movies. I believe it is time for Hollywood to get a clue and bring back the role models.

The word of God encourages fathers to be the best they can be. Colossians 3:21 says,"Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." And Ephesians 6:4 adds, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Men, be the best father and husband you can be. Your God demands it.

3 years and still pain free

I wrote this blog in 2007 on the first anniversary of being pain free. Two years later I am still pain free and wanted to share it again. I have updated the timeframe to make it current, but other than that, the blog is in tact and still tells the story very well. I still experience some numbness and tingling in the side of my head once in a while, but that is just a gentle reminder of where I was before the surgery. God is good!

Yesterday marked the three year anniversary of one of the best/worst days of my life. On December 18, 2007, I had a surgical procedure performed in my brain called Microvascular Decompression at University Hospital in Cincinnati. My doctor, Dr. John Tew, is one of the best in the country at this procedure, so I was in good hands. For those of you who may not know, I was suffering from a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia, and had been from over 2 1/2 years.

If you have never heard of Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN), it is one of the most painful conditions known to man. Imagine sticking a taser to your face 20-30 times a day and leaving it there for about 20 seconds each time. That is what I was going through. The condition was getting worse by the day, there were no medications that I could take to alleviate my pain. Brain surgery was my only hope. I was not looking forward to having a hole drilled in the back of my skull, but I could not live with the pain any longer either. While TN is not considered a "life-threatening" illness, I believe in many ways it is worse because my quality of life was so poor. I couldn't eat, talk, or sleep without pain. I couldn't kiss my wonderful wife or amazing children without pain. The medications I took to help try to control the pain made me a zombie, (and in one case almost DID kill me). My job was being affected, my marriage, was being affected, my relationship with my children was being affected, and most importantly, my spiritual walk was being challenged.

I will never forget the first time I experienced what they call "acute" Trigeminal Neuralgia pain. I was actually taking a drink to swallow a new medicine the doctor had prescribed. When the glass touched my lip every nerve on the left side of my face fired at the same time. From my temple to my jawbone, every nerve was burning. This lasted for about 20 seconds, and I am not kidding when I tell you that had there been a gun on the kitchen counter, I would have shot myself to end the pain. The same thing happened during a meeting a work about 4 hours later, and I couldn't talk or explain what was happening, so they thought I was having a seizure or something and it freaked everyone out.

When the surgery was over, I was on some pretty good pain killers and other drugs, but I remember Dr. Tew telling me that this surgery was the only thing that would have eased my pain. There was an artery and a blood vessel fused to the trigeminal nerve in my brain by scar tissue. Dr. Tew removed the scar tissue and wrapped Teflon padding around the nerve. When I woke up, I could tell immediately that something was different; the pain was gone. My life would be restored. The moment would have been more complete had they not given me Percocet, which I had never taken and did not know would cause me to be vomitous for about 8 hours. The Dr. eventually switched me to Morphine and all was well.

Thus, three years ago today, that I stepped out of University Hospital a new man. I have not had one flash of pain since. There is a chance the pain could return someday, and there have been other side effects from the surgery. I had mild case of Bell's palsy, some numbness on my skull, and a small dent in the back of my head. I will take all of those for they remind me that life is so precious and there are so many things we take for granted. I thank God for Dr. Tew and the knowledge and skill that he has. I thank God for another day to share with my family and friends. I thank God that I have lived pain free for the past three years, and sincerely ask that be a trend that continues for a long time.

i love my wife and have the t-shirt to prove it

A few months ago, I was browsing in the Family Christian store and came across a t-shirt that said simply, "i love my wife." The shirt immediately caught my attention for several reasons. 1) it was black, and I love black t-shirts, 2) it was on sale 50% off, i love a good sale, and 3) it truly stated the way I feel, I love my wife. (Note: lest I get comments, I love my wife WAY more than I love black t-shirts or a good sale.) Thus, the purchase of said shirt became imminent and I took it home. Honestly, I did not purchase this shirt to earn "brownie" points with my bride, nor did I buy it because I was in her dog house and wanted to get out. I purchased the shirt because I love my wife, and I am not afraid to let anyone know.

However, whenever I wear this shirt in public, I find that I will get the most peculiar comments, mostly from women. Things such as, "You must have been in the dog house", or, "did your wife make you wear that?" My usual tongue-in-cheek response is, "No, it was on sale." However, I think it is a sad commentary on our society today, that a man cannot wear a shirt that openly confesses his love for his spouse without others thinking there is an ulterior motive or coercion involved.

One of my biggest pet peeves is the men are portrayed as clueless, ignorant jerks on TV, in movies, and ESPECIALLY commercials. Beer commercials are the worst. There is one that has a man coming home from work and his wife or girlfriend is waiting, wearing very little, and all he cares about is the beer. Really? Are men that dumb? No, we are not. I don't know where this stereotype was born, but I blame the Simpsons.

I do love my wife and I find nothing wrong with letting others know, starting with my kids. One of our favorite sounds is when we are caught kissing by the children in the kitchen or living room, and they say, "Ewww! Gross!" Audrey has recently taken to just saying, "Hey! Kids in the room!" to which we keep on kissing. I believe it important to model romance and appropriate affection for your children. That doesn't mean we make-out in front of them, but we are not afraid to hug, snuggle, and share a small smooch once in a while.

A t-shirt does not define nor confirm my love for my wife and I do not wear it to gain her favor. I only hope that when you see me in my favorite black shirt you will smile softly and remember that not all men are clueless jerks.

You are unique; just like everyone else

In an impromptu meeting at work the other day, I was told by one of my supervisors that I am "quirky". Her comment took me aback momentarily, while this is not exactly news to me, in my brief 41 years on this moist, rotating sphere, I do not recall anyone actually ever saying that directly to me. Again, it is not a huge national secret that I may have a few peculiarities, I just found it strange that someone would blurt it out without even a moment's thought about how that would make me feel. What if I didn't know I was quirky and thought I was "normal" like everyone else? (Side note: there is no such thing as normal. If you think you're normal, get over yourself, you're not.) Saying this out loud to someone might be considered an insult or hurt their feelings. My feelings went unblemished because I revel in my peculiarities; God made me this way and I am good with that.

Being called quirky got me thinking about the bigger picture. We all have our quirks, oddball moments, hang-ups, phobias, and peculiarities. Everyone on earth has a quirk that really defines who they are. That is what is so amazing about our creator. We are all uniquely designed. From the color of our skin to our favorite color, each person is different. I have even met identical twins that you could not tell apart by looking, but their personalities and interests are completely different. We are all quirky. And yet, the Bible tells us we are all created in God's image. Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." (NIV)

If we are created in God's image, and we are all quirky, then I must be the creation of a quirky God. Please, do not send me letters or nasty e-mails saying I should not call God "quirky". I am just following the logic.

I can think of no better way to illustrate my point than with the Christmas story. God comes to earth as a baby born to a virgin. Mary and her fiancee can find no room to rest and deliver the Son of God, so he is born in a barn, wrapped in rags, and laid in a feeding trough. Then, the angels dash from heaven to announce this miraculous arrival to, not kings or nobles, but shepherds. The shepherds decide the best thing for them to do after hearing the choir of heaven is to abandon their sheep and livelihood and go worship a newborn.

A year or two later, just as Joe and Mary are getting settled in with their new home and family in Bethlehem, some Magi from somewhere in the East show up because of a star in the sky. The Magi don't bring toys or food, but gold, frankincense (embalming fluid), and myrrh (a Christian record label.) But because the wise guys had stopped to see "Herod the crazy" first, Joe and Mary have to take toddler Jesus on a field trip to Egypt. (Seriously, would you want to take a 2 year old on a road trip by camel?) After Herod dies, and they have filled their Facebook album with pictures of Jesus by the Sphinx, an angel tells them to return to Israel. They finally settle down and raise a family not in a booming metropolis or even the suburbs, but Galilee; the hillbilly section of Israel.

So I ask you, is our God not a wee bit quirky? Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hope your Christmas is filled with the love of Christ and your new year is filled with his blessings.

Bill

IMG00609-20100928-2228.jpg

Another picture from the game.

REDS WIN!

Last night I had the opportunity to be a part of history. I was in attendance when Jay Bruce drove the first pitch he saw in the bottom of the ninth inning off the batter's eye in centerfield. It was an amazing moment. The moment was so surreal, I am not sure people knew what to do. People were screaming, jumping up and down, high-fiving total strangers. The ballpark went nuts. The players went nuts. The announcers went nuts. It was an incredible moment.

Cincinnati has been waiting for 15 years for a moment like this. It was great for this town and this team. The Reds are a relatively young squad and if the owners can keep them together, this will hopefully, be just the first of many division titles to come. I don't know how far they will go into the post-season. I would like to see another World Series come to Cincinnati. But, first let's just enjoy the current moment.

Congratulations, Reds! The 2010 National League Central Division Champs!

Non-Coffee Drinkers Unite!

I don't like coffee. Trust me. I have tried. I have tried many different types of coffee. I have tried coffee with cream, sugar, lots of sugar, lots of cream, and coffee from some the "supposed" best coffee joints around. Always the same result; gagging and choking followed by an urgent need to find something to get the nasty taste out of my mouth.

Yet, where ever you go, people are always trying to give you coffee with little regard for those of us who can't stand the stuff. Meetings, church, hotels, restaurants, they all will offer you coffee, often for free. However, if you want a Mt. Dew or other beverage, you have to cough up some cash.

The other thing I don't understand about coffee is this obsession with Starbucks and other expensive coffees. I suppose my opinion here is bias, due the fact that a $1 cup of coffee tastes just as gross as a $5 cup of coffee. Does coffee at Starbucks really taste that much better than coffee at Speedway? Now, McDonald's is trying to make gourmet coffee; I know that because every time I drive up to get my Egg McMuffin lately, they ask if I would like to try an "Iced Mocha" or some other yuck. Keep your coffee, just give me my Egg McMuffin.

Today, I am calling up on all coffee haters - join me in my rebellion! Let us rid ourselves of this liquid curse for good! Ok, so there is really no need to rebel. But it would be nice to get some free Mt. Dew once in a while.

Peace.

Bill

What to do with my life...

Hey, friends. Can we talk? I have something going on, and need an ear to listen, or in this case, eyes to read. I once again find myself standing at crossroads in my career. My current job is a grant funded position, and while I enjoy it very much, my contract ends in June with little hope of being renewed. Thus, for about the third time in my adult life, I find myself asking, "what do I want to be when I grow up?" Naturally, I have been putting a lot of thought, prayer, and consideration into this question. I have sought the advice of trusted friends, and relatives. I have also taken a couple of career aptitude tests that were of some help, but they really just reaffirmed what I already knew; that I should be in career that helps people. What a big surprise.

One test also suggested I become a writer. This is something that I have considered over the years, and is very appealing to me. I love to write. The problem is that I have no educational background in writing, I have no idea where to start, and need to make money to help support the family while I am writing. One of my resolutions for 2010 is to get my children's book ideas to a publisher and see if anyone is interested. I have always heard, "write what you know." So, I may just do that. In the mean time, I need a real job. One that pays real money, so I can drive my real car, and eat some real food, and pay my real mortgage.

I have also considered returning to ministry, but my experiences there were not very good. Thus, I am not sure I want to take that leap again. Also, we do not want to leave Cincinnati, so if I did return to ministry, it would have to be in Cincinnati. I know that sounds rather limiting of God, but our daughter with Down syndrome needs the resources we can get here. I did enjoy the teaching and hand-holding ministry parts, but I did not do church politics well. I would also like to work for a school system or hospital, but again, am lacking the necessary education. Going to school to get a teaching degree is another option, but that requires money, and for money I need a job. It is a vicious cycle.

Well, that is where I am in my professional life right now. Thanks so much for taking the time to listen (read). I would love your feedback, encouragement, and even a kick in the pants or two. So feel free to pass those along.

Peace.